by CigarlosZ

When I was a kid I remember watching a boatload of The Love Boat reruns. God, that show was horrible. But when you are in elementary school with no discernible source of income and your parents think paying for groceries and rent is more important than obtaining cable for the house, your television viewing options are limited. Still, it afforded me free prepubescent porn: chicks in bikinis. At some point in the show at least one girl would be in a bikini. Ahhhhh. I had no idea what to do with a woman but I wanted one. The greatest of these was scantily-clad guest star Charo. Her broken English and buxom bosom were enough to extol ecstasy in this young boy. She knew she was hot and she milked it (pun sorta not intended).

But I digress; why the hell am I writing about Charo 10,000 years after I first discovered her?

Because of Sofia Vergara: The new Charo. I’ve been familiar with Vergara for some time now as my mother watches all the trashy Spanish language gossip shows and every time I go for a visit, undoubtedly, the TV is tuned to one. ABC had been pushing her on America for what seems years now through several failed pilots: 2005’s Hot Properties, 2007’s Let’s Rob Jeff Goldblum or Let’s Rob Mick Jagger or Knights of Prosperity (actually, they were all the same crappy show. The name changes alone show you how confident the network was of the show). But I’m glad she finally got some love on Modern Family.

 I know, she plays a complete stereotype of Latin woman: curvaceous, vampy, over-sexed and over-make-upped…and sly as a fox. As I watch her mugging for the camera in countless interviews and appearances I don’t think to myself, “Hey, use your mind not just your body, you have talents!”  I mean I do think it. I find her shtick repetitive:  the constant mugging for the camera, the accent that somehow seems to be getting worse (even though she attended a private bilingual Spanish/English school from a young age) and, my god! The yelling! Sofia, there are microphones everywhere around you, we can hear you. And if we can’t we’ll turn the volume up.

But people are eating it up. She is using her business mind just like Charo did so many years ago. And good for her.

Charo figured out what was going to pay her bills, so she served her Cuchi Cuchi shake and bake and people washed it down with a glass of Sangria. And why not? The days of calling people sellouts are long over. Oh, I still feel like people “sellout”, but I have a better understanding of it now. George Clooney was recently asked why he chose to do the horrible Return of the Killer Tomatoes and his response was because he was broke and “because I got the fucking job!” It was a paying acting job. I had my first real job at 12 and I’ve hated it ever since. So when you find something you’re good at, that pays you well and keeps you from dying a long and painful cubicle death, embrace it! Go on Sofia, show ‘em what your workin’ with!